Advice to My Daughter

When we are young we always can't wait until we grow up.  When we are grown up it seems like we wish we were younger.  The grass tends to be always greener making us want what we don't have.

I awoke today from dreams that took me through my tough teen years.  Ugh.  The frustration, heartache, and not knowing who you are was almost too much to bare.  It made me think of the things that I wish I would have know then but didn't.  Granted each person has to find their own way, but I thought about the things I want my daughter to know.

First, just because you  have known someone a long time and they say they are your "friend" does not mean they are.  There are people that rejoice in your pain and create drama in you life for entertainment value.  These can be people you are related to or people you have known most of your life.  I think something changes and if there is any sort of jealousy, some of your friends can't wait until you fall flat on your face.  Therefore, be careful who you surround yourself with.  Your friends should be there through the good and the bad.  Your real friends will tell you when they are concerned and why.  But your fake friends will set up situations for you to be confronted and humiliated in front of others.  They will also turn their backs on you in front of others they are trying to impress, only to come back later and act as though nothing happened.

Boys, oh boy.  I was doing great in life until I discovered boys.  :)  Some will be great friends and others will want more.  When you allow a boy into your heart do so cautiously.  Granted it seems that we don't always choose who we like, but you do have to take it slow.  If he really cares he will be there in time.   I think everyone has a broken heart of some sort in their life.  However, you can minimize the damage.  I believe my greatest mistake in life was not setting boundaries.  When you go your separate ways, break-up, be sure to let them know that you will not let them back.  I don't know that there is anything more painful then having someone come and go in your life whenever they want.  The constant keeping you shelved to see if there is something better only to return when they need an ego boost or are bored.

Happy to say the only man in my life that never did that is the one I am married to.  He made up his mind and never looked back. You can never feel as valued as that. However, most boys will not get to that point until they are much older and some never will.

Don't become something just because that is what people think you are.  Sometimes people treat you a certain way as they jump to conclusions.  These can be peers, parents, teachers, and so forth.  Getting caught up in their negative thinking can be easy when at times you have no idea who you are.  I was a young skinny girl with all the curves that made some think I must be "loose" or "flirty" when it came to boys.  After a while I just kind of gave in because in my mind if I was going to be treated that way I might as well be that girl.  However, I realize that all that did was validate them and allow them to do that to others.  It made me more lost and gave others more reasons to treat me in a manner that I never wanted.

Always pray.  As a teenager there are times you feel that no one can understand you.  Sometimes you can't even understand yourself and the emotions inside you.  Praying, even if it is in tears or just a few words, can make you feel that you are not alone.  Regardless of what your "friends" or a boy does to you, there is always someone that is interested and wants the best for you. 

Remember that no matter what, I will always love you.  Even if you roll your eyes.  Be true to who you are... at the core of it there is a beautiful woman waiting to grow.