Going to court house and I'm gonna get ....

Part of my job is that we go to court about 8 hours a week. I am nervous though because I usually go with one of my peers and watch and listen. I have never spoken to the court during proceedings about recommendations or evidence. But, my supervisor yesterday said that sounds like today is my lucky day. We have a full load of cases and are short a few PO due to vacation/illness. None of them will be my own cases but rather me covering other PO's cases. Ahhhhhh, so nervous! At least I have met the judges (and then they requested a page with our pictures and names shortly afterward so they could call on us/me). I have also met some of the prosecutors and defense attorneys but not even half I would say know who I am.

Thursdays are out heavy court days. We generally spend the afternoon in court or should I say courts. We courtroom hop more than a 21 year old bar hops on their b-day. Popping in and out of about 6 courtrooms seeing where each judge is on the docket. We stay if we know one of the cases we need to handle is next. Or we let the attorney's know we will be back and maybe they will ask to skip it until we are present. People in the courtroom get wide-eyed because we are walking in and out with our badges on.

I really do enjoy it. I like going and listening to people and even their lawyers who are trying to minimize everything they got caught for. "Yeah, he/she was very over the limit intoxicated and almost hit two people on the sidewalk, but they really learned their lesson and no one was in fact hurt..." LOL. Oh, Okay then no harm. Well other than the mailbox or two they took out and the fact the people who jumped out of the way suffered a near heart attack.

Honestly though I do know why the lawyers are doing what they do. After all they are doing their job and giving the best defense. The best is to aim high so that when they get something it does not sound so giving. I will honestly say that some of the ones (both defense and prosecutors) are very good at what they do and if I ever needed to use them I would feel cared about.

The judges are impressive too. Some have that total awe affect on the courtroom where everyone is nervous and knows they need to be respectful. I am not saying they are mean or anything, but that their presence and way they handle things makes you respect them.

The people though.... wow! Here is some common sense that I guess people need to hear. When you are going to court look presentable. Bathe, wear clean clothes, comb your hair, and look like you are not stoned or drunk. People show up in sweats, pj bottoms, clothes that look as though they were in a pile on the floor of their room. Guys come in thinking they have it handled by wearing a hat. You cannot wear hats in the courtroom so when it comes off they look even worse. Take five minutes and make yourself look normal. I know the way a person looks should not affect anything but I guess to me it shows such a lack of respect for the court and themselves. But, at least it is entertaining.

Pray for me around 1:30 ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Men and Women; Boys and Girls

I find it so interesting to see how different the opposite sex handles things or even thinks about things. Don't get me wrong in many situations it is good to have opposites to complement each other.

I just think it makes so many things so mysterious. Maybe that is an allure. I know that Sean looks at things differently than I do. I guess it is good because at the very least he seems to claim he understands where I am coming from. I can see his point of view as well, but it is after he says things. I am talking about emotional moments, jealousy, memories, and so forth.

I think that because of some of the boys I grew up with I had a different take on guys and what they do or talk about. You see, I was a tomboy growing up. I got along more with boys than girls (with the exception of a few special gals) and have always been able to strike a conversation with guys much easier. This was never a problem until I started really looking like a girl. Then the other girls thought I was just trying to get all the boys attention. LOL, the funny thing is that I always figured that those girls were so much better in many ways than me that I looked at them as a threat... us gals.

But the boys I grew up with and around talked to me about everything. I mean when they were married they would talk very openly with me about issues or frustrations they had with their wives. They knew I would never tell or whatever. So I guess I thought that other guys talked to guys about the same stuff. Turns out I was wrong. I thought that Sean was just quiet or didn't know what to say to me. But, I guess I just figured out that maybe those boys I grew up with talked to me like that because I was in fact a girl and they would not have talked to their guy friends about the same sort of stuff.

So I guess I still find it a mystery as to what goes on in their heads. You know what they share with others and what they would if they felt they could. Us gals we are pretty open. Yes, even with each other!

Music Is A Time Machine

So I finally decided to get a song list on my page. If it is annoying well then turn it off... :)

It is funny because as I was going through the songs I was amazed at how these songs all took me back to different times in my life or at least made me think of different people. Even if things have changed so much that you don't feel like the same person from that time, the sound and the words bring back such a huge emotion inside.

Right now I am listening to "Beauty and The Beast" by Stevie Nicks as I am writing this. I have a huge heaviness in my heart. This was a song that I played over and over again after my first real heart-breaking break-up. Believe me, I am very happy I am not with that man.... I would have never been happy or the person I am today. Sean is the only one that could ever love me the way I need to be loved. I don't think, no, I know I have never loved anyone the way I love him. However, the song still hits me in a spot...

It is like a time warp. I can see vividly things in my head as the songs play. I know that this happens to everyone. Certain songs will take us back to a place in our mind that we have never thought about for a long time. Like the song by the Bloodhound Gang called "The Roof is on Fire" (which due to a lot of bad language and stuff is not on my play list) makes me remember closing at Target in electronics laughing my butt of with Jon Peters. My very favorite memory of him. Different songs that I used to play when Aubree was born make me see her as a baby. Old country songs take me back to when my family used to get together to play guitars and attempt to sing.

Other songs just stir up the emotions. There are songs that are exclusive to my thoughts and feelings for Sean that I am sure he would wonder why those particular songs represent him in my mind.

Of all the songs on my play list one that seems to sum up everything. It is strange because I actually had a dream the other night where this was playing. It is not a song that many people are familiar with. The artist is Judy Collins, which will always remind me of my mother because she used to sing all of her songs and did such a great job. The song "In My Life" which talks about her past and how much the people and places meant to her. Even though her past is looked back on fondly, the person she is in love with now is more than anything she had. I think it is true because your love, hurt, good, bad, gains, loses and so forth make you who you are. Later you will look back at them with different eyes, but usually the same feelings. However, I look at the ones in my life now and know this is where I wanted and dreamed of being. I love them all more.... especially my kids and my Sean.

Wrap her in rubber and bounce her around?????

When I was younger my parents always said that they were going to wrap me in rubber. The reason being was that I tended to break arms, finger, toes, and whatever pretty easily. I do feel bad because comparatively I was a whole lot more expensive than my sister growing up due to all the illness and stuff. However, I guess it was my way of getting back of all the hand-me-downs I got until I turned 15 (then I got taller than my sister and needed longer pants... ).

My daughter has decided that since she doesn't really look like me that this breakable trait is her way of proving that she is in fact my daughter. In first grade, she was playing on the swing set in our backyard and fell off. She didn't really cry but looked pale. I looked at her arms (as did my grandma and mom) and thought maybe she sprained one. I sent her to school the next day w/ a note saying she could not do PE. Later that day after work I looked again at her arm and decided to take her in. Well she had broken BOTH arms.

In third grade, my daughter was at my parent's house messing around in the kitchen. You know sliding with your socks on like you are ice skating... (we have all done it). She again fell. My parents thought she may have strained it. Seeing how Aubree kept saying she was okay and did not cry we thought maybe it was okay. I decided the next day to take her into the hospital. Yep, it was broken.

So last week, I get a call from my daughter at home telling me that she can't do her chores because her arm hurts too much. I sighed and asked what happened. She said she was okay just hurt it on the playground. She did not tell anyone at the school because they had a field trip that day and she did not want to miss out. I then got a call from my sister saying that Aubree had hurt her arm at school and was walking funny so that she would not swing it or move it.

This time I thought I would be proactive and instead of waiting a day I would take her in. So as soon as I got home from work we jumped in the car and went to the clinic. Her face was purple from where she hit the ice on the playground and it was her shoulder that was bothering her. Guess what.... nope it was not broke. See even you thought for sure that this child is breaking things every two years so it most likely. Instead she pulled and strained the muscles around her shoulder and rotator cuff. The doctor kept saying that Aubree did not seem to be in a lot of pain. How, do you explain that every other time she has said she was okay she had broken her arm... so better safe than sorry right.

Now I have decided that I should wrap her in rubber. But, I want to do so to bounce her around. She is fighting me tooth and nail on wearing her sling. She did not do so at her dad's this weekend even though both the doctor and I said she needed to. She winces whenever she uses it so it is not like it is all better. I just want to knock some sense into her... but I may end up breaking something. Therefore, rubber it is... Just kidding.

Money, Money, Money

I am sitting here listening to my hubby talk about how much everything has gone up.... Boy has it. Yesterday, I sat down and entered our expenses in a software that is on our computer. It is really cool because it allows us to see exactly where our money has been going. The print out is very informative, plus is good to help us do our taxes.

We would be rich if we just quit eating and paying utilities. LOL. It is amazing how much stuff adds up. Certain bills seemed to climb every month, such as cable or phone. It is nice that gas finally went down a while back. However, it seems like everything else that went up, due to the gas prices, has not gone down yet. The cost of food and clothes is scary. I am such a bargain shopper; yes, some even say that I can be cheap. I love clearance and have learned from working retail that it is well worth it. However, it seems that even the clearance is expensive because the original prices where way up there..... yep, there goes the cheap side of me thinking again.

I am truly scared for many people. Sean and I went through a very scary time with his work. Fortunately he was not laid-off but demoted. This was shocking to our pocket book. Thankfully, I got another job that pays better and has excellent benefits. No, we are still not making what we were before, but we both have learned to spend less and think more.

Now I have a handful of friends though that have been laid off. I am truly scared for them. My dad is an HR manager and says he feels like he is the grim reaper due to people avoiding and cringing when he come around. For all those that are in this predicament, please know you are in my prayers. I do think about you even though I may not see you or talk with you very much. I am trying to brainstorm ways that I and others can be the support system that seems to be needed. So if anyone has any thoughts.... pass them along.

I do think that we need to have a get together where we just laugh and not have to think about things. That may be the only thing I am good at. Hmmmmmmm. Maybe I will have to put some stuff in the works.

Much love!

To Tell or Not To Tell... hmm (what do you think)

Well anyone that knows me for more than a bit knows that my family is very special and unique. No, not Sean... LOL he is just special to me. I am talking about my parents and their whole cousin thing.

I was talking the other day with a new fellow officer when our families came up. She is from the same area that my dad was raised in (Gooding and Jerome). So we were talking about our families. So of course the question comes up "where is your mom from?" Well my mom was born in Boise, ID but grew up mostly in New York and Illinois. So the logical questions is "how did your parents meet? College?"

Hmmm, do I dare say well family gatherings or reunions? I guess I could say that one of their cousins introduced them or even their aunts. How do people really look at me when I tell them that my parents are indeed first cousins? Not once removed or by adoption or step. But that my dad's dad and my mom's mom are brother and sister.

To be honest it does not bother me in the least. I mean I guess it is because every since I was born I have known and really did not know that some people were grossed out by it until I was older. It has always been a joke in our family. The quiet athlete country boy from Gooding hooking up with the loud ornery city cousin. All of my cousins (yes that includes my parents and aunts / uncles) just tease me and my sister but in a very proud way. Like that we are twice the relative that they are and so forth. Royalty or cattle breeding are the two most known forms of inbreeding to keep the bloodlines going. So which does that make me?

So any way I told her. I mean after all I plan on working there for a long time... (hopefully). The thing is that usually when I tell people it is either people that I know well or at least I feel well established in my position. Meaning that they know I am not a totally freak (well in a negative way) and can function as a human (meaning that they won't have to wipe me in the potty room).

So I guess that I am asking all of you what your reactions were when you heard it. My peer at work took it rather well (although I think she needed time alone to process it...LOL). But as a person who has never had the shock or the "what what" moment I guess I wonder what the different reactions are....

So if you don't mind either comment away or email me....

Lisa

Crazy Dreams

Do you every have dreams that make so much sense when you are in them, but later you are so taken back by them? I do all the time..... I think when I try to explain them to my husband I completely lose him.

The funny thing is that I tend to fight with my husband in my dreams. See we don't hardly ever fight. Well, even then we don't argue it is more like we just stop talking. But in my dreams he is such a meaning and very demanding. So crazy.... Anyone that knows him, knows he is not even like that in real life.

My sister has some crazy things happen in her dreams too. Wonder if it is because our parents are cousins! I knew that beyond my broken mind there was some additional side effects to inbreeding. Anyway when she is really stressed in real life she will have dreams that she is smoking. My sister has never smoked anything in real life. So I find this really funny that it is her stress relief in dream world. She also will dream about movies stars but my favorite is the one when she was married to Peter Sellers (the original Pink Panther in the movies).

Last night part of my dream was that I fell asleep under a tree and woke up surrounded by people I have not seen since high school or jr high. The thing was that I had my badge (yes I have an actual badge as an officer) around my neck and they were all really upset that I was a probation officer. I even remember that one of the girls I went to school with that was a very good girl and preppy was there. She looked greasy and like a meth user. Wow, it was creepy.

Anyway, just thought I would share that with you all. Dreams are crazzzzzzzyyyy.

Rambling of my tired mind.....

Well as I am doing more things on my job I find that I do like it a lot. It is interesting, challenging, and well sometimes inspiring. So thanks for all the support from all of my well wishers (even my hubby that makes fun of my spelling....:))

There is a lot of personal stuff that is building up so I am going to write it so it is out of my head. I woke-up at 3am this morning and had to read until a bit after 4am. I did not think that I was thinking of stuff but this morning it all kind of hit me in the shower.

First, my grandfather has just recently found that he has a heart condition. No, let me restate that. He had a heart condition since birth, but now that he is 65 it is a scary condition. His valves are not working and one is even back flowing the blood to his heart. I have not really spoken to him about this, nor my mom who seems to be on her way to speaking to me again. Rather, I have talked with my dad and sister. So I need to call and see how he is doing as well as how my grandma is coping. I just don't feel close to them. I have never been close to any of my grandfathers (all three, one is a step). It makes me really sad.

My mother's real dad is mentally ill and well physically ill as well. I just recently have been back in contact with him (I had not spoken to him since I was about 17). My mom and him do not speak and have not since I was a teenager. He called my house 6 times the other day. I ended up calling him the next day. It just feels so distant.

My dad's father has never really been there for me. He missed mile stones in my life (graduation, wedding reception... ect.) but has made it to many of my cousin's instead. He remarried when I was 4 and seemed to kind of leave our family behind. Granted my dad, as the oldest, was taking care of my broken hearted grandma. Still it bugs me.

Now, the grandfather that has been most consistant in my life (my mom's step-dad) is sick. We were close when I was younger. Now it seems that he kind of tolerates us. We tend to run out of things to talk about in less than a half hour. Whereas my grandma could talk for days.

I guess it hit me that all of this really does bother me. Not just because of them and how they act. But also because I allowed it to happen. I did not stand-up and say, hey remember me... I am your 2nd or 3rd (depending on which side) grandchild. I have always been there when you were in the hospital. I also have let myself feel okay or justified in not keeping contact. I guess I am wondering what that says about me as a person. I am afraid that if I don't do something about it soon... it will be too late. All three of them are not in good health. hmmm sounds like I have some phone calls to do....

Character

So in efforts to decorate my office in a manner that represents me and also is up building to others I went in search of art or pictures. First, I found that I have great taste, meaning expensive taste...LOL. Wow, I really was shocked. You can tell how much I shop or at least for home decor. Second, I found that a lot of things did not speak to me or I guess for me.

The result was me creating my own motivational picture. Any of you that know me know two things for sure. I am NOT crafty or artistic (so the very sentence above is shocking you to the core). Second, I love things in black and white... every now and then with reds or browns.

So to put your mind at ease on the artistic manner.... there is a place on the web you can go to create your own motivational posters. You know the ones; you have seen them everywhere. They say Endurance and then a small sentence or two below a picture of a person in a race or whatnot. You get to upload any one of your personal pictures for the poster. Now, no I did not put a big picture of me looking goofy, although that would have been funny, but remember that I have to command some respect with the people on my caseload. Instead I found (or rather Sean) a picture on the Internet of a what looks like reference books in a library but taken in black and white at an angle. Trust me I think it looks cool.

So now came the writing part. I choose the theme "Character." I know that there are some of you that have heard me say this next part. I had it said to me when I was in my late teens and it stuck with me. It made an impact in my life even when maybe I did not think it did.

"A misstep in your life does not define who your are. However, what you do afterwards will speak volumns about you."

Meaning that because a person makes a bad choice or mistake in life does not mean that is who they are going to be. But, what they do after they realize it will tell others so much about them. If they own it, learn from it, try to fix it, or are even truly sorry will mean that they are a person who will not repeat it or try very hard to stop doing those type of things. However, a person that laughs at it, does not take responsibility for it, or other such things will not learn from it nor really change. We are all in control of who we are. We are all one decision away from doing something we regret. Therefore, for us to feel superior to those that have made that bad decision and truly feel bad about it is ridiculous.

So tell me what you think... I am excited that it is coming.