I am coming to terms with and finally feel okay with a lot of things in my life. Granted I am sure I will have days that certain things are going to rub me the wrong way. However, I awoke this morning with a strange calm and happiness. Seriously I did not sleep much (due to being up late doing my mixed "tapes" 3 of them for my Sean). But I awoke a half hour before my alarm and just had some good thoughts. It makes me kind of wonder if I had a dream I can't remember.
First, I am okay with where my family (not me and my living in the same house family as this does not apply) is in our relationship. I love my mom very much and things will and are working out. Time truly does make a big difference. I am also okay with being the grandchild that is not bragged about or really even talked about by my all my grandparents. I think that seeing how they looked at my sister for being the first and then never being very close to them really bugged me in life. But, so what! I don't have to prove myself worthy, I know that I am and that they love each of us in our own way, even if that means some are much more subtle. I know that when it counts I am there for them and have good reason why they can be proud of me. I also have found comfort in knowing that I am one that they don't have to worry about.
When it comes to my friends. Well there are some that I know I have done so much for and then later feel like I am not one that they think about when times are good. But again... oh well. I don't do those things to be rewarded. I do those things because that is who I am. Even if they don't notice, I do and those that love me know this as well. The reality is that I would do it all over again the same way. Plus there is a good feeling knowing that when times are tough they feel as though I am the one to help make it right... maybe they know it is my strength for them and it is needed at that time.
The important thing is that I continue to be who I am. That I am loved by someone that is so special to me... a part of me in many ways. We have something that I know others don't understand and that is pretty special. I have two crazy, unique, and loving kids who have more personality than some variety shows on TV have laughs. I have the support of some very important people who love me for who I am not who they think I should be.
I am truly blessed.
Amen ... I remember when you and Sean first started dating. From a mother's perspective my first thought was "oh no" for several reasons. He's my baby ... she's got her own baby ... she's a different religion. You are a very special young woman and we feel fortunate to have you loving our son and raising our grandchildren. Love, Mom & Dad Sheehan :)
ReplyDeleteYou are a very special person... I think I tell you that at least once a day. That's why I married you and that's why me mesh so well together. We have our ups and downs just like any other couple, but I think it's how we deal with them that is different.
ReplyDeletep.s. I'm listening to my 'tapes' now :o)